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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162965">Recon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheRiverStyx/pseuds/IntoTheRiverStyx'>IntoTheRiverStyx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Requests/challenges/etc [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arthurian Mythology</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Humor, M/M, Modern Era, Reincarnation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:33:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheRiverStyx/pseuds/IntoTheRiverStyx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern times - Camelot is trying to rise again, but tools and clues are few and far between.</p><p>When Dinadan gets voluntold to make sure nothing goes wrong with Lamorak and Agrivane's latest recon mission, he decides to have some fun with it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lamorak/Agrivane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Requests/challenges/etc [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Recon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Dinadan had to listen to Tristan scream at the air hockey table one more time, he was unplugging the table.</p><p>It was a relatively high-stakes day for those who were in the field – today was the day they tried to reclaim the only surviving sword from the Battle of Camlann. It was, quite blessedly, in a private collection. It was the only blessing that could be pinned to the entire things, but hey. A guy takes what he can get when the rest seems hopeless.</p><p>The theory was that, if they could lift it, if they could get it back to their headquarters – which for some reason well beyond Dinadan's understanding was also Lancelot'ss basement in the middle of fuckall Wales rather than Arthur's spare house in one of the better parts of London – then with Morgan or Viviane or maybe even Galahad could pull whatever lingering magics were still on it and recreate...well, it sounded complicated and quite frankly Dinadan had stopped trying to follow around the fifth overly-excited round of suggestions that turned into a screaming match.</p><p>And as such, how <i>he</i> wound up being the poor bastard to man the radio was in details lost to him.</p><p>But perhaps the most baffling thing about the whole operation was who'd been selected to do the actual theft part of things.</p><p>Lamorak and Agrivane.</p><p>No back-up, no getaway car, not even a drop-off.</p><p>So they had, and nobody had stopped them or suggested doing literally anything else, taken the bus.</p><p>To a heist.</p><p>A robbery.</p><p>A bus. To a crime.</p><p>“FUCK!” Tristan screamed.</p><p>Dinadan made as close to an angry noise as he could and stalked over to unplug the thing.</p><p>“Hey!” Tristan objected.</p><p>“Not my fault you can't win against literally nothing,” Dinadan was done, “You have free access to the other goal and haven't scored once.”</p><p><i>“Not unlike his love life,”</i> Kay's voice came from the his earpiece.</p><p>“Oh shit, Kay, you're on comms, too?” Dinadan either hadn't gotten that memo or had forgotten.</p><p><i>“Oh please,”</i> Kay laughed, <i>“like I'd miss whatever's about to happen if Arthur paid me.”</i></p><p>Dinadan could faintly make out Bedivere's voice in the background saying Arthur didn't pay any of them.</p><p><i>“I just got on,”</i> Kay said, <i>“have they patched in yet?”</i></p><p>“Not yet,” Dinadan told him, “So either their bus was late or they missed their stop.”</p><p><i>“Or both,”</i> Kay didn't seem worried, <i>“Anyways, we'll be able to hear them but they won't be able to hear us unless we, well, you know how to work the radios.”</i></p><p>“Unfortunately,” Dinadan said absently.</p><p>Dinadan could tell Tristan had left by the slam of the door.</p><p>Dinadan busied himself in his phone, absently flinging birds across the screen when he heard it.</p><p><b>“No no no,”</b> it was Agrivane's voice, <b>“this button, here.”</b></p><p>A scratching of synthetic fabric against skin, some muffled complaining noises, then the telltale click of the last line connecting.</p><p><b>“There,”</b> Agrivane seemed pleased with himself, <b>“let them know you're live.”</b></p><p><b>“If they can already hear your yapping they'll let you know if I don't come through,”</b> Lamorak was already frustrated.</p><p>“Loud and clear, both of you,” Dinadan put them out of that particular brand of misery.</p><p><b>“Try to look normal,”</b> Lamorak hissed.</p><p><b>“Make me,”</b> Agrivane challenged.</p><p>“Oh my god they're a walking shitshow,” Dinadan said aloud.</p><p><i>“Dinadan,”</i> Kay warned, though there was no heat in his voice.</p><p><b>“Did you get the address?”</b> Lamorak asked.</p><p><b>“Wouldn't that have been something to ask before we left?”</b> Agrivane blanched, <b>“Of course I got the address.”</b></p><p>“I mean,” Lamorak started.</p><p><b>“Once,”</b> Agrivane was just shy of raising his voice, <b>“I forget an address ONCE and it follows me wherever I find myself with you.”</b></p><p><b>“We live together,”</b> Lamorak reminded him.</p><p>“And here we have a once-domesticated couple in the process of going feral,” Dinadan said.</p><p>“Dinadan!” Kay was laughing despite himself.</p><p>“Left unattended, the semi-feral couple is know to forget their training, including, but not limited to volume control, target surveillance, and general civility.”</p><p>There was a series of strained sounds and rustling from the closed end of the comms, a thud, and a pained noise.</p><p><b>“Did you try the gate?”</b> Agrivane asked.</p><p>A squeaking sound told Dinadan he had not.</p><p>“The dominant component of the pair, deprived of sixth-century tools, is known to resort to absurd shows of strength such as climbing gates he could have just walked through,” Dinadan figured that, hey, if he was stuck listening to this, the least he could to was entertain himself.</p><p>Judging by the howling laughter, he was entertaining Kay as well so, hey. Here he was.</p><p><b>“Looks like no one's home,”</b> Agrivane noted.</p><p><b>“Just because there's no cars in the garage doesn't mean much,”</b> Lamorak argued, <b>“We only have one car.”</b></p><p><b>“That's because you got your license suspended and quickly decided two car payments weren't worth it,”</b> Agrivane argued.</p><p>“When faced with the obvious, the feral couple will ignore things like if they can see in the garage, it is because the garage doors are open,” Dinadan continued.</p><p><i>“Dinadan, stop, I am going to have an asthma attack”</i> Kay wheezed, <i>“Wait, are you sure the garage doors are open?”</i></p><p>“How else are they sure the garage doors are open?” Dinadan pointed out.</p><p>
  <i>“Well if nothing else this just got a lot more interesting,”</i>
</p><p>Dinadan could hear Kay's unworried shrug.</p><p><b>“It's open,”</b> Lamorak said.</p><p><b>“Oh, sweet, we don't have to break a window,”</b> Agrivane whooped.</p><p><i>“Oh no,”</i> Kay was still laughing, <i>“Oh, this is going to be good.”</i></p><p>If Kay wasn't going to patch himself through to the couple, neither was Dinadan.</p><p>“When put on the spot, the feral couple's combinded decision making skills and tactical abilities are pulled from that one time one of them watched <i>Home Alone</i> as a child and the single brain cell shared between them bounces around so violently it becomes a game of psychic telephone,” Dinadan continued.</p><p>Kay's wheezing didn't sound like it was going to kill him, so Dinadan continued.</p><p>“With access to the target house – we think, they never actually said the address – the feral couple will be faced with the unknown from this very moment until, well, the end of their lives.”</p><p>Nothing from Agrivane or Lamorak.</p><p>Until.</p><p><b>“Oh finally you IT boys are here!”</b> came an unknown, elderly voice, <b>“I was starting to think I'd been robbed.“

<i>"Oh fuck,”</i> Kay was scrambling, Dinadan could tell, <i>“Lamorak, Agrivane, stay calm and let me guide you through whatever he needs done.”</i></b></p><p>
  <b></b>
</p><p>
  <b></b>
</p><p><b>
“Kay I have never been more glad you decided to stick your nose in something you could have sat out,” Dinadan breathed a sigh of relief.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>“Something's wrong with the computer,”</b> god, Dinadan hoped the guy lived alone, <b>“I'm hoping you boys can fix it without having to call the cable company or something.”</b>
</p><p>
<i>“Oh my god,”</i> Kay was still trying to get his breathing under control, <i>“Ask him to show you his computer and read out the error message you get.”</i>
</p><p>
“Under pressure, Camelot's resident tech support assumes either Lamorak or Agrivane can read,” Dinadan kept narrating.
</p><p>
<i>“DINADAN!”</i> Kay yelled.
</p><p>
<b>“Alright sir,”</b> Lamorak was clearly struggling, both with staying calm and the honorific, <b>“It seems here your laptop isn't turning on.”</b>
</p><p>
<i>“Welcome to house call IT, boys,”</i> Kay told them, <i>“Ask him where his charger is.”</i>
</p><p>
Lamorak did.
</p><p>
Dinadan listened as Kay walked Lamorak through helping their theft target through why keeping his laptop charged was imperative, and then through updating the operating system, and then through reconnecting it to the internet, which involved a call to the cable company to reset the password, and then explaining that the older a laptop is, the less charge it can hold so there was nothing wrong with the machine, it just wasn't going to last two days anymore.
</p><p>
<b>“Aggs,”</b> Lamorak seemed to be calling Agrivane over to him, <b>“Stop trying to molest the sharp thing and go restart the router, will you?”</b>
</p><p>
“Despite all odds, the feral couple seems to have located the target weapon,” Dinadan resumed narrating, “only to have to abandon it to continue to pretend to be people who absolutely took an old man's money and ran.”</p><p>
<i>“Dinadan!”</i> Kay almost snapped, <i>“You're going to kill me.”</i>
</p><p>
“Death by commentary,” Dinadan said absently.
</p><p>
<b>“Alright!”</b> Agrivane's voice was loud over the earpiece. <b>“We're good.”</b>
</p><p>
A series of quieter exchanges between Lamorak and the stranger, then.
</p><p>

    <b>“You boys seem sweet.”</b>

</p><p>
“A gross character misattribution on the part of the stranger,” Dinadan said, “though perhaps the feral couple has began to re-enter a state of domestication simple from spending long enough indoors where they do not have to worry about things such as busstops, how comms sets work, and whether of not they know where their target is.”
</p><p>
Kay was howling again.
</p><p>
<b>“We're here to help,”</b> Agrivane said.
</p><p>
“Once again, in a display of weirdly inverted power, the more dominant half of the feral couple attempts to a display of what is colloquially referred to as <i>humble</i>.”
</p><p>
The telltale sound of Kay's inhaler coupled with Bedivere's muffled asking if Kay was alright caused both of them to miss the next parts of the exchange on the end of the comms they were supposed to be paying attention to.
</p><p>
 <b>“We'll take excellent care of it,”</b> Lamorak said, then added, <b>“sir.”</b>
</p><p>
“Did they...” Dinadan trailed off.
</p><p>
<b>“It is a lovely sword,”</b> Agrivane said.
</p><p>
 “Against all odds,” Dinadan couldn't believe what he was saying, “the feral couple seems to have secured their target.”
</p><p>
<i>“Better at scoring than Tristan,”</i> Bedivere had taken Kay's headset, <i>“Did they really?”</i>&lt;
</p><p>
“Oi, kids,” Dinadan had a feeling they were both older than him, “We good?”
</p><p>
Nothing for a moment, and then.
</p><p>
<b>“Better than you'd believe,”</b> Lamorak's disbelieving, shaky laughter came from the other end.
</p><p>
 Bedivere and Dinadan let out a whoop, both relieved and shocked.</p><p>
  “Get it back here and so help me, don't use it to do anything stupid before it's scraped magic,” Dinadan told them, “Dinadan out, godspeed you idiots.”
</p><p>
  Dinadan disconnected the line.
</p><p>
They were Bedivere's problem now.
</p>
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